Written “Mine” On My Upper Thigh (9-1-1 Tortured Poets Department: Part 2)
What if Eddie rolls the stone away? They’re gonna crucify him anyway.
We stand before our fellow members of The Tortured Buddies Department once again with a summary of our findings:
- Shannon is definitely the loss, not the love of Eddie’s life.
- The sign on Buck’s heart is still reserved for Eddie.
- Abby and #thatman are the smallest people who ever lived.
Waltz into the rekindled flames of our second installment of The Tortured Poets Department where we ring in the New Year with some good old fashioned seasonal depression. Han, Cil, and Rachel break down the lyrics of tracks 9 through 16 and discuss how each song relates to our favorite 9-1-1 characters.
This collection of songs focuses on:
- Buck and Eddie wrestling with their Abandonment Issues™, self worth and self loathing, and unfortunate romantic endeavors while trying to maintain their relationship with each other.
- The challenges of breaking free from familial expectations, neglect, emotional abuse, and generational trauma.
- The performative aspects of Buck and Eddie’s lives, the ways they mask their true selves, and repress their feelings and identities, creating a chasm of yearning they can’t seem to fill.
We enter into evidence Eddie clinging to his own fake impressionist paintings of heterosexuality and the picture perfect family. We’re second-hand embarrassed, Eddie please just let Shannon stay buried. (This is unnecessary.)
Sincerely,
The Chairmans of The Tortured Buddies Department
🎬 Edits We Love
🎞️ Guilty as Sin? edit by confusedbuckley, Twitter, TikTok
🎞️ Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? edit by milliiecent, TikTok
🎞️ loml edit by ashes.of.rozes, TikTok
🎞️ I Can Do It With a Broken Heart edit by t3s_edits, TikTok
🎞️ The Alchemy edit by bexism, TikTok
🎞️ The Alchemy edit by weewooshow, TikTok
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The Buddie System is a Nerdvergent Media production.
Music by DIV!NITY
Chapters
(00:00:00) Welcome to the Tortured Buddies Department
(00:04:19) Guilty as Sin?
(00:12:21) Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?
(00:26:36) I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)
(00:31:44) loml (full of lols)
(00:47:48) I Can Do It With a Broken Heart
(00:58:19) The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived
(01:06:45) The Alchemy
(01:11:54) Clara Bow
(01:17:00) Happy New Year/What's Up Next/Outro
Transcript
Have you ever watched something that completely rewired your brain chemistry?
Syl:A procedural network drama might not be your usual pick, but it's ours.
Rachel:This is the Buddy System, a 911 deep dive podcast hosted by three friends who have DMed each other enough character dissertations to earn a PhD in media literacy.
Han:I'm Han, coming to you straight from the characters heads.
Syl:I'm Syl, bringing you to the observation deck.
Rachel:And I'm Rachel, connecting the dots with my red string.
Han:With our powers combined, no stone is.
Rachel:Left unturned and no buddy is left behind.
Rachel:All rise for the Eddie Diaz national anthem.
Syl:What if he's written mine on my upper thigh?
Rachel:Only in my mind.
Rachel:So welcome to part two of our the Tortured Poets Department specials, when we'll be discussing the second half of the original album.
Han:Second half of the first half.
Rachel:Yes.
Han:It's tracks nine through 16.
Rachel:Yes.
Han:As we said in the last one, because we can't.
Syl:Shut the fuck up.
Han:Yeah, you're welcome.
Rachel:Just.
Rachel:Just here to present you and start off the new year with some good old depression.
Rachel:Taylor Swift.
Han:Yeah.
Han:So if you have a seasonal or just regular depression.
Han:Yeah, that's such a great time for you.
Han:If you are Eddie Diaz coded, this is dedicated to you.
Syl:And if you're Eddie Diaz, this is for you.
Rachel:This is.
Han:This was written for you personally.
Han:It's in the dedication.
Han:You have to, like, use a cipher.
Rachel:Like all the little capital letters and like, like old school.
Han:It says, this is about Edmundo Diaz.
Rachel:Oh, full name.
Han:She's gotta.
Han:It's legal paperwork because he's getting committed.
Han:But if you didn't tune into the last episode, you should.
Han:But if you want to go out of order, what we're doing is we are looking at each individual song and we're doing character analysis through that saying which character we think the song is about.
Han:And then, you know, doing the fingers and the character brain thing that we normally do.
Han:But, like, this is warning a lot.
Han:Like a lot of Eddie.
Rachel:If you haven't yet tuned in for our Swift Giving special that we put out over Thanksgiving where we assigned characters to, like, whole albums.
Rachel:Yeah, we get.
Rachel:We gave TTPD to Eddie because just is.
Rachel:We're going to tell you why from that kind of premise, we're going in individually and looking at songs and we're trying to give a little more variation, but just know that, like, generally it's Eddie, but here's also some extra, you know, interpretations as well that.
Rachel:That fit some other characters.
Rachel:But it's mostly Eddie.
Rachel:It's mostly Eddie which also is not a surprise.
Rachel:If you've listened to any of our stuff before, it's always about Eddie.
Han:Or if you've ever been, like, in the 911, like, social media sphere when you're looking at edits like, this is when this album came out.
Rachel:Oh, yeah.
Han:All of the edits that were dropping largely for Eddie, a little bit for Buck or for Buddy as well.
Rachel:So good.
Rachel:They slap every time they do.
Rachel:Like, please keep going.
Han:I can't wait for the remixes.
Han:Or just like additional Guilty of Sin edits we're gonna get once we get the Feelings realization.
Rachel:Oh, that's gonna hit so hard.
Han:It's gonna hit even harder.
Han:It's gonna be great.
Han:Can't wait.
Rachel:Just don't mind me liking favoriting bookmarking every single version of those.
Han:Like, every single one.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:I will be in your notifications just being like, I love it.
Rachel:Give me 14 more of them right now, please.
Han:How dare you.
Han:Give me more.
Rachel:This hurts so much.
Rachel:I love it.
Han:Stop.
Han:Never stop.
Rachel:Big like Glinda energy right there.
Rachel:Just like.
Han:Oh, God.
Han:So, yeah, without further ado, let's.
Han:Let's get into it, shall we?
Han:All rise for the Eddie Diaz national anthem.
Rachel:Alright.
Rachel:Guilty as Sin is Eddie.
Rachel:I mentioned earlier, I think this one really stuck with us because of all of those quick edits that were happening and really put Guilty as Sin up to the cream of the crop when we were first listening to these albums.
Han:I don't think this one did as much for me.
Han:I think the edits did way more for you guys to like get up there with.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:Because you already think of it in terms of.
Han:Well, yeah.
Han:And I think I was also trying to not watch too many or read fic at that point because I don't think I was completely caught up.
Rachel:Yeah, you were trying to be normal about it.
Rachel:Boat sailed quickly.
Han:I'm so normal.
Han:I don't know what you're talking about.
Rachel:We're all so normal.
Han:Anyway.
Han:This is one of the wildest songs that Taylor Swift has put out.
Rachel:Just in general.
Rachel:Yes.
Rachel:Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:So it's fitting that she wrote it about Eddie Diaz from his perspective.
Rachel:Take it away.
Han:He's trying.
Han:He's banging on the closet door like, let me out.
Han:And he's crying.
Rachel:This cage was once just fine.
Han:Yes.
Han:Am I allowed to cry?
Han:I dream of cracking locks Throwing my loves to the wolves with ocean rocks like he is throwing his life somewhere.
Han:I'm seeing visions.
Han:He's seeing visions of who?
Han:Does that make him bad or mad.
Rachel:Or maybe even Wise.
Han:Amy Wise.
Han:This is so self explanatory.
Rachel:I know.
Han:It's like.
Rachel:It's like.
Syl:Read the lyrics.
Rachel:Reading the lyrics point at Eddie Diaz.
Rachel:It's the same.
Han:The verses are like subconscious Eddie Diaz, right?
Syl:Yeah.
Han:And then the chorus is like, once he realizes he's gay and.
Han:Or has feelings and he starts having fun with that.
Rachel:Because so much of this song is, you know, these things are just happening in my head, in my imagination.
Rachel:Not a reality yet.
Rachel:But in.
Rachel:In the song, it's also very much like, you know, trying to kind of tamp down on it.
Rachel:It's.
Rachel:It's repressing.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:This whole song is about repression.
Han:If I've never touched him, how can I be guilty?
Han:That's not a sin because I've never touched him.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:There's no such thing as bad thoughts.
Rachel:Only your actions talk.
Rachel:And I'm.
Rachel:But I'm sorry, like any.
Rachel:Your actions, your actions are pretty bad.
Han:But like I keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault that is a closet.
Han:You've locked yourself in the closet.
Han:You have the key.
Han:Please, we're begging you.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:Your son is begging you.
Rachel:If it's make believe, why does it feel like a vow will both uphold somehow?
Rachel:Is that not Buck and Eddie written all over it just kind of like it's this thing, especially with them, it's so unspoken yet completely understood between them.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:Just.
Rachel:They don't have to say a word.
Rachel:They don't have to.
Rachel:And a lot of.
Rachel:A lot of this song is specifically like, there is no contact, no communication here with Buck and Eddie.
Rachel:They don't need.
Rachel:Okay, yes, they need to communicate, but they can communicate silently.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:For.
Rachel:For a lot of things.
Rachel:It's that like they're.
Rachel:They're on the same wavelength that like can basically live in their own shared world mentally and you know, but it's not.
Rachel:It hasn't made its way to reality yet.
Rachel:And just.
Han:Ugh.
Rachel:Just the line, what if he's written mine on my upper thigh?
Rachel:Only in my mind.
Rachel:Like, give us pining this bridge.
Syl:If long suffering propriety is what they want from me.
Syl:They don't know how you've haunted me stunningly.
Syl:I choose you and me religiously.
Syl:That is screaming for me that one kind of ties back to.
Syl:But that AI love him.
Rachel:It's the choosing.
Rachel:Yeah.
Syl:It's the choosing of them.
Han:It's him worshiping at the altar of Evan.
Han:Buck, Buck.
Han:Like that Buck is his religion.
Han:Like, it literally is.
Han:So don't we talk about this in like Our season eight special.
Han:Yeah, I feel like we did, but.
Rachel:Yeah, the whole bridge is just so deconstructing.
Rachel:Like, what if I roll the stone away?
Rachel:They're gonna crucify me anyway.
Rachel:I think, Syl, you're right.
Rachel:It does very much tie back to but daddy, I love him.
Han:This is the leading up to but daddy, I love him.
Rachel:What if the way you hold me is actually what's like, it's him, like, finally opening up the door to the vault or the.
Rachel:The closet or whatever and allowing himself to, like, you know, throw away those previously upheld, like, beliefs that were instilled in him and throwing away the pedestal that, you know, his parents are putting him on and just being like, you know, they're going to think what they're going to think.
Rachel:But I have to do this for me.
Rachel:It's my choice.
Rachel:This wild joy again.
Rachel:And kind of like I feel like the one slip and falling back into the hedge maze.
Rachel:Oh, what a way to die.
Rachel:Like, if Eddie doesn't actually kind of pony up and like, accept these things about himself, like, he's just gonna wither away, you know, and just go through the motions.
Rachel:And that's what's kind of happening right now.
Han:Rolling the stone away is like, he is in the tomb.
Han:He's not even in a closet.
Han:He is in a tomb.
Han:Oh, I'm sorry.
Rachel:Eddie.
Rachel:Nde anyone Stop.
Han:I tell you, like, don't we keep saying caves.
Rachel:I keep saying read a thick like that.
Han:And it was seen in my brain.
Rachel:I don't know why I see it so viscerally.
Rachel:I think we need to.
Rachel:What We've had like a parking garage cave in, but we haven't really had.
Han:Like a what if we as a fandom Tulpa this.
Rachel:I mean, we have like that.
Rachel:That mine shaft cave in in the Lone Star crossover, but, like, there's like rocks and mines and stuff and hills and mountains and stuff in California.
Han:I mean, this is more like just unpacking that religious trauma.
Han:Like, it is.
Han:It is very much like a fantasizing sexy song, but it is also like, I'm trying to, like, in the context of Eddie, how we're interpreting it is like, I'm trying to, like, he's using it as a way to like, break out of, you know, the tomb that he has put himself in.
Han:Like, he's.
Rachel:Well, I mean, like, the.
Rachel:The song itself is about, like, fantasizing about kind of going towards a different kind of relationship rather than the one that you're stuck in.
Rachel:But, you know, it's still just theoretical and hypothetical at this point, and there aren't any steps.
Rachel:And just like Eddie right now at the juncture that we are at the moment, like, he hasn't really made any steps to.
Rachel:Besides that one Risky Business.
Rachel:He kind of like, you know, this cage was once fine, but I'm also not going to step out of it right now.
Rachel:In fact, I'm going to because I'm feeling guilty about it.
Rachel:I'm going to, like, go further back in, you know, and try to fix it from the inside there, which is basically him going to El Paso and is like, honey, no, that's not gonna fix anything.
Rachel:I love when I put this album on shuffle and, like, down bad and guilty as sin just like, happened to be shuffled right next to each other.
Rachel:Because in my mind, it's.
Rachel:It's just so heavily associated with Buck and Eddie that I'm like.
Rachel:It's like the invisible strings were in my.
Rachel:They were in my shuffle because that's happened to me in multiple occasions.
Rachel:I'm just like, exactly the way the universe should be.
Rachel:Who's that?
Rachel:It's Buck who's afraid of little old me.
Rachel:Buck.
Rachel:This is a Buck song.
Syl:I'm expecting him.
Syl:That kind of just open.
Han:I was trying not to.
Han:Like, this is.
Han:Oh, my God.
Han:This is very much Buck at his parents.
Rachel:Oh, yes.
Han:It's Buck at his parents.
Han:It's Buck a little bit at Maddie.
Han:It's buck at the 118 during the lawsuit.
Rachel:It's basically Buck at everybody in his life.
Han:It's Buck at everybody in his life when they make him feel like he, like, lesser than isn't worth shit.
Han:I don't even know where to fucking start with this.
Han:Basically.
Han:Okay, here.
Han:My bare hands pave their paths.
Han:You don't get to tell me about sad.
Han:That's literally his parents.
Rachel:Before we really get into it, I feel like if you're just like, trying to visually think of this song in terms of Buck, which should be fairly easy, if you basically just take this song and insert it as his dialogue when he's talking to his parents like that.
Rachel:I have walked through fire every day of my life because of you Because.
Han:I have walked through.
Rachel:Yes, yes.
Han:I think someone has done an edit with that.
Han:Oh, with this song, I'm sure.
Han:But like, with that.
Rachel:But like, I'm actually.
Rachel:I'm thinking, like, if you were to actually, like, kind of mentally dub over that dialogue with the lyrics of the song, like, spoken out, it would be the same thing.
Rachel:It would be the same speech.
Rachel:Just like point in case this one.
Syl:I feel, is a little bit more pointed towards Maddie specifically.
Syl:The scandal was contained.
Syl:The bullet had just grazed.
Syl:At all costs, keep your good name.
Syl:You don't get to tell me you.
Han:Feel bad because of, like, the Keeping Daniel a secret.
Syl:Keeping Daniel a secret.
Han:This is just a fuck.
Han:The Buckley parents song.
Rachel:Amen.
Han:I always looked at verse two as how he felt Bobby was treating him during the lawsuit because Bobby never explained himself, right?
Han:So he didn't know, like, Bobby cared about him.
Han:And Bobby was projecting, like, he didn't know that Bobby viewed him as his son, was trying to protect him.
Han:He just knew that he thought Bobby had his back.
Han:But Bobby was the reason he wasn't able to come back to work.
Han:And.
Han:And so he was like, oh, so he doesn't think that I'm good enough.
Rachel:So much of the chorus, specifically to me.
Rachel:I leap from the gallows and levitate down your street Crash the party like a record Scratch as I scream who's afraid of little ol me that gives so much.
Rachel:Like I'm trying to find a place where I belong but I'm getting pushed out every time.
Rachel:I feel like this can apply in multiple ways.
Rachel:But the way I think of it first is, like, with the Buckley parents about, like, how he wasn't really wanted and it was just like he was a.
Rachel:Like a means to an end essentially, and was kind of disposed of essentially when he didn't meet their expectations.
Rachel:He's kind of like a ghost in their own house, right?
Rachel:Just haunting them with, like, the memory of what he couldn't do for them, like the unsaid memory of them and their loss of Daniel.
Rachel:But it's also kind of like, you know, anytime he feels like you said, like, with the.
Rachel:I was about to say with the divorce, with.
Rachel:With.
Rachel:With the.
Rachel:With the lawsuit, just like, he thought he found a place where he belonged, but he felt just kind of like tossed to the side, which of course was not in.
Rachel:In this case, was not an intent, like, the intended consequence, but, like, that's how he felt.
Rachel:So.
Rachel:So, like, when he.
Rachel:When he comes back, right, with all of that ire and all of that, like, pent up, just like, is it a wonder I broke you?
Rachel:Basically, like, threw me away.
Rachel:So now I'm coming back and I'm screaming to try to get you.
Rachel:It's him screaming to get.
Rachel:To get people's attention, which is what he does and has done for so long.
Rachel:I mean, most of the time, like, when he was younger, it was in more of Like a.
Rachel:A physical harming of himself.
Rachel:But it was essentially the who's afraid of l on me.
Rachel:Like, pay attention to me.
Rachel:Like, I'm.
Rachel:I'm here too.
Rachel:I am also here.
Syl:There is another verse, like, directed at the 118.
Syl:You know, like, is it.
Syl:Is it a wonder I broke.
Syl:Let's hear one more joke.
Syl:Then we could all just laugh until I cry.
Syl:So I really think that applies to any time where they.
Syl:I mean, there are times when the 118 don't really, like, know him or really, like, understand him.
Syl:And sometimes I think there.
Syl:There have been instances where there are jokes at his expense when it's like.
Syl:But, you know, or other times.
Syl:I think one of the.
Syl:One of the times that stands out to me when he was being accused of, like, catfishing or cheating.
Syl:Yeah, that.
Rachel:Oh, yeah.
Rachel:At the end of one.
Rachel:Season one.
Syl:Yeah, at the end of season one.
Syl:And I think recently, too, with.
Syl:With like, Tommy, like, you know, masks, 805.
Syl:So poor Buck has boils on his face.
Syl:He fell.
Syl:He didn't.
Syl:He dislocated his shoulder.
Syl:You know, all of that.
Syl:And then Tommy comes in.
Syl:He's just laughing at his expense.
Syl:He's like, yeah, we heard the call.
Syl:We heard.
Syl:We heard what happened, and we were all, like, cracking up.
Syl:And it was like, dude, shut up.
Syl:And you can see, like, Buck's face.
Syl:Like.
Syl:Like no one is taking him seriously.
Syl:Like, everything is just a joke or they think that it's a.
Syl:What he's saying is a joke.
Syl:And it's just like, it's.
Syl:It's not.
Syl:He's being for fucking real.
Han:So, yeah, Chimney makes jokes at his expense a lot.
Han:And, like, the issue is that that's part of Chimney's love language.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:But Buck, It's a sore spot for him.
Han:Well, it's a sore spot, but also, who is a DHD is not going to take it as joking, like, a lot of the time, especially if his headspace is already bad and there's jokes that he makes when Buck isn't even there that I'm like, come on.
Han:When there was one this season when it was like 804, when he was like, oh, I think you're supposed to be the smartest person in the room.
Han:Which is why I think he hangs out with Buck all the time.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:When he's talking to Bobby, it's just like, yeah, like.
Rachel:Like, we know it's a joke, but it's also.
Rachel:Was it necessary?
Han:No.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:And so in.
Rachel:In that sense, like, what.
Rachel:What you guys are talking about like the whole, you know, I'm always drunk on my own tears.
Rachel:Isn't that what they all said?
Rachel:That'll sue you if you step on my lawn, that I'm fearsome and I'm wretched and I'm wrong.
Rachel:You know, like, Buck kind of feels like sometimes he's a bit of a joke.
Rachel:He's kind of a butt of a joke in that sense.
Rachel:It's pretty like beat for beat with the whole.
Rachel:Like that I'll sue you if I step on my lawn.
Rachel:Like, like how, how much have we heard?
Rachel:Kind of them joking about it afterwards.
Rachel:It's like, oh, don't sue us again.
Rachel:You know, like.
Rachel:But that was, that was like a.
Rachel:And again played.
Rachel:Played for jokes.
Rachel:I think for the most part when Buck is in a good headspace, he understands that.
Rachel:But it's just like that plays into his fears of him being wretched and wrong.
Rachel:And like Eddie literally says when they're talking about the, the will, like, you think you're expendable, but you're wrong.
Rachel:But not wrong in, in that kind of sense.
Rachel:Like, it, you know, he, he plays it off sometimes, but like it actually really affects him deep down.
Rachel:And that's like, you know, you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.
Han:So I just want to leap back to the chorus for a minute where it's.
Han:I was tame, I was gentle Till the circus life made me mean don't you worry they took out all our teeth like it's, it's very much a, you know, Buck isn't a mean spirited person.
Han:Everyone kind of views him like a pushover and.
Han:But you can push him and you can push him until the certain point where he is going to break.
Han:So we get people on the show multiple times being like, you're making everything about yourself.
Han:But it's like, okay, but what if it is?
Rachel:Yeah, so, so tell me it's not.
Rachel:You know, like, can.
Rachel:Can you tell me it's not about me?
Han:Is it not about me when he's, when, when Eddie's upset with him?
Han:Right.
Han:Because you only see it from your perspective.
Han:Blah, blah, that's all you see.
Han:And then it's like, did you even think about what it would do to us if when you like, chose to sue Bobby and make, make Bobby the bad guy?
Han:It's like, okay, but you're saying like, Bobby didn't do this to hurt me.
Han:But like, what if he did?
Han:How would I know?
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:If he didn't say my Parents didn't do the.
Han:They.
Han:They did to not hurt me.
Han:How would I know?
Rachel:Because nobody, like, pulled him.
Rachel:Talk to him about it.
Rachel:Like, some of the reasons that he wants to, like, snarl and show his teeth and then end up, like, yelling, who's afraid of little old me?
Rachel:Is because, you know, he feels so caged in with that stuff sometimes.
Rachel:Like, not being brought into the.
Rachel:Like, the inner circle.
Rachel:Sort of.
Rachel:Sort of.
Han:He feels like he's like a caged animal.
Han:Like he's being backed into a corner whenever he finds himself in a position where he feels emotionally neglected.
Rachel:Yes.
Han:And I don't even know the words, the correct words to use for what his parents did to him.
Rachel:I mean, it is neglect.
Han:It is neglect.
Rachel:But I was like, emotional neglect.
Han:I was like, that is abuse.
Han:Yeah, neglect is abuse.
Han:So whenever it puts him in that.
Rachel:It'S as harmful as physical abuse.
Han:Yes.
Han:Whenever he's back in that mindset, whenever he feels like.
Han:And here's the thing that gets to me about the team sometimes is like, they know all this shit about him, and then they're like, why do you respond this way?
Han:I don't know.
Han:A trauma response.
Han:Mayhaps.
Rachel:Well, I think he.
Han:Everyone else's trauma responses are, like, completely fine, but Buck's aren't.
Rachel:I think he puts on, like, such a happy go lucky front, like a devil may care front, which is also so much of their first impression of him for so much of the team that it's kind of hard to shake that.
Rachel:I think for them a little bit that it's.
Rachel:That, you know, sometimes it's hard to remember, which, you know, they think they would remember a little better because they all are so traumatized.
Rachel:Like, it's ridiculous as.
Rachel:As I say that.
Rachel:Chuckling, like, I feel like it's ingrained in them to kind of, like, there's so much going on under the surface with him that it's almost easier to, like, you know, we're not gonna.
Rachel:We're not gonna engage with that at the moment.
Rachel:I think.
Han:Yeah, it's literally him having a PTSD response from his childhood abuse.
Han:But sure, fam.
Rachel:I prefer thinking about it about this song, like, more at the Buckleys.
Rachel:But it's a.
Han:But.
Rachel:But it's both.
Han:The Buckleys are the reason for it.
Rachel:All right?
Rachel:The Buckleys are the reason for this trauma.
Han:But he doesn't care about the Buckleys.
Han:Not really.
Han:Like, he wishes they cared about him, but I don't think he really cared because he.
Han:I don't think he thinks of Them as his family.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:That's why he forgave them, because he didn't care enough to, like.
Rachel:Like what Hen said when she had to pull the plug for her dad.
Rachel:She's like, you know, I don't care enough to hate you.
Rachel:So I think that's kind of the same for Buck.
Rachel:Like, he doesn't care enough to hate them.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:It's just like, you're forgiven, I guess.
Rachel:You know, I'm just not gonna, like, think about you.
Han:So in this post, chorus and outro, it's because you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me.
Rachel:So that's.
Han:That's his.
Han:His parents who would lure him into this sense of him thinking that they cared what.
Han:But only when he hurt himself.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:So then he.
Han:He learned that getting hurt is how you get people to care about you.
Rachel:You get the attention.
Han:That's how you get your emotional needs met.
Han:You caged me, and then you called me crazy.
Rachel:Yeah, that's wild.
Han:And it's like, this is not just the Buckleys.
Han:This is the 118, too.
Han:It's like you backed me into a corner, and then you called me a wild animal when I responded the way a wild animal responds when they're backed into a corner.
Han:But I'm crazy, okay?
Han:I am what I am because you trained me.
Han:I am what I am because you tr.
Rachel:I.
Han:His parents trained him to be that way, but also the 118 trained him to be that way.
Han:Like, everyone in his life that he's ever tried to get to care about him has trained him to be this way, which is to be the, like.
Han:The, like, outgoing, optimistic.
Han:Like, he's just like, oh, he's a big puppy.
Han:He's a.
Han:You know.
Han:Not that those things aren't real.
Rachel:True.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:Not that they aren't real.
Han:They aren't real to the amount and the extent of the time that he puts that facade on for people.
Rachel:I feel like Buck is kind of a human iceberg where a lot of times people just kind of notice what's above the surface.
Rachel:While they may be, like, aware in concept that.
Rachel:That there is more underneath and, like, it's even bigger and more expansive.
Rachel:You know, you can't see it.
Rachel:So, like, you're just going to, you know, float on by, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist and that is it.
Rachel:It gets to, like, depths that you couldn't even fathom.
Rachel:Like.
Rachel:Yeah, I think conceptually, they.
Rachel:They understand this stuff, but, like, with the way that he was Raised the way that he was trained.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:That also kind of, in a way, trains them the way that Buck was trained to, like, present himself.
Rachel:Also unintentionally, like, trains other people to treat him in that way.
Rachel:So I think in that way, he and, like, the 118 kind of are in this endless kind of, like, loop, this.
Rachel:This fallacy because of what he was made to be by his parents and.
Han:Because no one but Eddie really, like, not even Maddie sometimes, a lot of the time really is like, okay, but like, how are you actually doing what's actually going on there?
Han:You know, he's better about that than.
Rachel:A lot of people, but not as good as Eddie because he can just tell.
Rachel:Oh, that's a sad one.
Han:So I can fix him.
Han:No, really, I can.
Han:I'm so sure.
Rachel:I'm so sure.
Han:I'm so sure.
Han:This is.
Han:I think we all agree that this is Buck again, but this is Buck for me.
Han:I think it's specifically about Taylor.
Han:That's also what I thought, because again, she said, here is what I am, what it says on the tin.
Han:And he was like, okay, no, I see a better person underneath this.
Rachel:The whole, like, I thought I could learn to live with it.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:I mean, that doesn't even imply, like, he was trying to fix her.
Rachel:That was just like.
Rachel:In that sense, it was more like, I'm trying to fix myself to live with it.
Han:But I think it was partly that.
Han:But it wasn't just like, I'm gonna learn to live with it.
Han:I think it was like he thought that she would change because she cared about him and learned to care about the things he cared about and would have empathy.
Syl:I think that there are instances where he.
Syl:Not.
Syl:Not, like, intentionally, but, like, there were instances where he would bring her around.
Syl:He would have her join dinners or, like, the.
Han:That.
Syl:That treasure hunt or the money, whatever.
Rachel:Yeah.
Syl:Like, he was trying to bring her around.
Syl:And I think, like, in a way, I guess not necessarily.
Syl:Again, I don't think he was trying to change her either.
Syl:I think it was more or less trying to get.
Syl:Have everyone else kind of see that she's aligning herself with him in different kind of ways by having her help out by, I guess, using her connections that she has and her job, bringing.
Rachel:Her into the fold of, like, the inner circle sort of thing.
Syl:Yeah.
Han:But instead she just used him for stories and.
Rachel:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Han:Their breakup is literally the.
Han:Whoa.
Han:Maybe I can't.
Rachel:That's all I have to say about that.
Rachel:I mean, yes.
Rachel:Just, like, I know it's my family's.
Han:Like, lives were on the line and it still didn't matter to you to hold off for a couple hours.
Rachel:So like, I guess, yeah, I think.
Han:I can't learn to live with this for sure.
Rachel:I think one of the things about the Buck and Taylor relationship, and we even see that as early as in dosed where he.
Rachel:Because like close to the end or the end of the episode when, you know, the story about the 118 has aired and Buck goes to Bobby and he's like, yeah, I.
Rachel:I think she likes me.
Rachel:And this is before he, you know, goes to Taylor and she tells him, you know, it is what it is.
Rachel:This is what it is.
Rachel:Here you are.
Rachel:Take it or leave it.
Rachel:He's like, I'm leaving it.
Rachel:But I think that's kind of the issue in their relationship.
Rachel:I think that's the issue in their relationship is that he, he kind of almost like in misguided, like, sense of self worth.
Rachel:I think he overestimates how much effect that he has on Taylor is thinking.
Han:He is thinking that how much he cares about other people is how much that gets returned.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:And unfortunately, no is one of those.
Rachel:People who very rarely gets the roi.
Han:Does he get.
Han:Yeah, exactly.
Han:He does not get the same level of like, caring.
Rachel:He makes.
Rachel:He makes very bad love investments and just generally, if we're talking ROIs and stuff.
Rachel:But so I think him believing like, you know, if I care so much about Taylor, you know, she has to then care so much about me.
Rachel:So like, me doing stuff for her will kind of, you know, tit for tat, end up her doing stuff for me because that is a show of her love sort of thing.
Rachel:But that's not how.
Rachel:That's not her love language.
Rachel:That's.
Rachel:That's his.
Rachel:I think it's just like this misguided overestimation of, you know, Taylor is kind of a figure set in stone.
Rachel:Like she is kind of an immovable force and, or like an impenetrable force.
Rachel:And she's just going to be who she is.
Rachel:She's not going to apologize for it.
Rachel:But that also means, I think that the care and the love that, that Buck is trying to wash over her with doesn't like penetrate, you know, so it just kind of like just like washes over.
Rachel:But also like, in that case, Taylor doesn't really get to see the benefits of, you know, being loved by a person like Buck who loves so fully, you know, And I think that's as disappointing as anything else.
Rachel:Because she's missing out big time.
Rachel:And it takes Buck too long to notice or too long to recognize that like, you know, she, she can't, she won't change because she won't be able to accept the kind of love that, that he gives her.
Rachel:And not even to say like reciprocal.
Han:Okay.
Rachel:Boy, oh boy.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:So I don't even know where to start with this one.
Han:Do you guys have both Eddie and Shannon for this one?
Syl:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Han:Okay.
Rachel:Cool, cool, cool.
Han:Coo.
Rachel:Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Rachel:No doubt.
Rachel:Toy, toy, toy, toy.
Han:So like I think we're just going to have to go beat by beat through this because.
Rachel:It'S one of those.
Han:It's one of those.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:So I think verse one is Eddie's pov because it's very much like who's going to stop us from lotsing back?
Han:Who's going to stop us from getting back together?
Han:Because like we.
Han:That's all we know.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:There's a gravitational pull towards like the nostalgia, the familiar, the comfort.
Han:Because again, the nostalgia.
Han:We were just kids and to me I interpret this.
Han:I don't mind.
Han:It takes time.
Han:Him thinking that like he doesn't feel the way he's really supposed to feel.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:Because it's.
Rachel:This is all he knows.
Rachel:So like how would he know that it's not supposed to feel like this?
Rachel:So as far as he's aware, like.
Rachel:Yeah, it just, it just takes time to you know, develop love like this.
Rachel:And thought I was better.
Rachel:I thought I was better safe than starry eyed.
Rachel:I mean going like, just going back to the safety net of Shannon and what he knows and you know, there you don't have to like jump off the precipice of.
Rachel:Into the abyss of the unknown.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:You're.
Rachel:You're being pulled back from it where it is safe.
Han:Right.
Rachel:Rather than like following any dream for something more or something that feels like more because you don't know anything else.
Rachel:Like I felt a glow like this never before and never since again.
Rachel:How would you know?
Han:Also he has built that relationship up so much in his mind.
Rachel:So I mean very much looking through rose colored glasses.
Han:So because he's never actually cared about anyone else that he's dated.
Han:Like he's cared about Shannon because they were friends first.
Han:So it felt like as close as possible to like what.
Rachel:To what true love is for him.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:And this is why he's never felt a glow like this.
Rachel:Never before and ever since.
Rachel:It's because Shannon has always been like kind of the exception to the rule.
Rachel:For him.
Rachel:And he.
Rachel:He developed a relationship based on friendship with her and no one else that we see that he's engaged in a relationship with Anna and Marisol, like, that's been romantic from the get.
Rachel:And he doesn't actually take the time to get to know them.
Rachel:So, like, how would he think that he's able to fall in love with them if he doesn't fully know them?
Rachel:And that's just like very demisexual Eddie of it all.
Rachel:And it's like the chorus.
Syl:Oh, what?
Rachel:It's too.
Rachel:It's just the literal.
Rachel:It's so literal.
Rachel:Yeah.
Syl:Okay.
Rachel:Okay, go ahead.
Syl:The literal chorus.
Syl:If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary.
Syl:You and I go from one kiss to getting married.
Rachel:I mean.
Syl:I mean, still alive, killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried.
Han:Oh, talk about they never really ended the relationship.
Han:Like, she left.
Han:She never like.
Han:Like, well, he left.
Han:Right.
Han:And she was not happy, but she never served papers.
Han:Never was.
Han:Like, I am unhappy enough to leave.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:Then she left.
Syl:Yep.
Rachel:He never served her papers.
Rachel:We talk about this in haunted.
Rachel:Like still alive, killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried.
Rachel:I mean, Shannon has been haunting the narrative, his narrative, before she was even dead.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:And that's because the relationship was dead first.
Han:Yeah.
Syl:Yeah.
Syl:There was never any closure or anything to kind of just put that to rest.
Rachel:The dual interpretation of this, like, killing time at the cemetery, like when.
Rachel:When he does go and visit her, visit her grave, she's never really quite buried because she's still so still present.
Han:Like, haunting all the.
Han:The image he made of her.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:And then like, kind of literally with Kim, like, never quite buried.
Rachel:It's like, oh, I can try it again.
Rachel:No, I can try it again.
Rachel:No.
Rachel:Oh, my God.
Rachel:Wait.
Rachel:I'm sorry.
Rachel:I'm sorry.
Rachel:Like, Eddie thinking that he can get a do over in some weird thinking with Kim is the.
Rachel:He is his parents child is the same thing as Helena and Ramon thinking that they can get a do over with Chris.
Han:Stop.
Rachel:He is his parents child.
Han:Like Rachel.
Rachel:It's the same thing.
Rachel:And in space, you just broke.
Rachel:Girl.
Syl:Don'T say that.
Rachel:Tell me it's not him.
Syl:Okay.
Rachel:Same thing.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:Like.
Rachel:Like that's the one that's kind of like the.
Rachel:The one time where.
Rachel:And he's backsliding.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:So it's like the one time that he's kind of like dipping his toe back into that, like, generational trauma that he's tried so hard to break free of and has been generally very successful for.
Rachel:But he's backsliding and then he's backsliding again with going back to El Paso.
Han:Well, it's that and it's the.
Han:All he's been doing since Shannon died is to find Christopher a mother.
Han:Right?
Han:But like, it never works because again with all the shit we just said.
Han:So.
Han:Oh, here's someone who looks exactly like Shannon.
Han:He's like, well, maybe I can make it work because, like, I made it work with Shannon even though they never made it work.
Rachel:Tell me that's not the exact same thing of Helena and Ramon thinking that they can make it work with Chris.
Han:It's not the same thing, but like, because theirs is.
Han:They were shitty fucking parents and they didn't want a kid who turned out like Eddie turned out, which is gay.
Han:And so sorry it was your jeans that did this.
Rachel:But like, Eddie kind of thinks of it in the same way because he thinks that he was shitty husband.
Rachel:Because he was.
Han:But he's doing it out of repression reasons.
Rachel:Oh, I know.
Rachel:Like, like, like the reasons.
Rachel:The, the, the deeper reasons are different.
Rachel:But like, no.
Rachel:Oh, no.
Han:So literally me just going, you're gay.
Rachel:I can't wait till he gets a picture to burn on debut.
Rachel:Eddie.
Rachel:Spoilers.
Rachel:Oh, my God.
Rachel:Sorry, I just.
Rachel:That I don't know what happened.
Han:It's.
Rachel:Oh, it's 2:00.
Rachel:My brain's working.
Han:Yeah, you.
Han:You Holy ghost.
Han:You told me I'm the love of your life.
Han:We don't actually see them ever saying this to each other, but they.
Han:The closest we get is it's Eddie saying to Kim, she was.
Han:Was she the love of your life?
Han:Yeah, I guess she was trying to get my attention.
Han:Yeah, I guess so.
Rachel:That parallel, just like as an aside, that parallel between Buck and Eddie, like, that is diabolical.
Han:And they're cooking.
Syl:Yeah.
Han:So, yeah.
Han:Okay, let's.
Han:Let's get a little Shannon POV here.
Rachel:Yes.
Han:Who's gonna tell me the truth?
Han:When you blew in with the winds of fate and told me I reformed you.
Rachel:Oh my God.
Han:What did Michael say to Athena?
Rachel:What did he.
Han:I thought you could fix me.
Rachel:Oh.
Rachel:Oh, Mr.
Rachel:Eddie being Mr.
Rachel:I'm broken.
Rachel:I'm broken.
Rachel:And there's.
Han:Oh, I'm so sure.
Rachel:And there's no way to fix me if that is the like of all of, of everything else that has to be like, top three queer coded things that have come out of his mouth.
Rachel:If not, if not, number one, I.
Han:I think I'm straight.
Rachel:Oh, that's the number one.
Rachel:I forgot about that for A second.
Rachel:If you have a character who is truly straight and heterosexual, they don't gotta say, they don't have to affirm it.
Rachel:And the only reason it's a Chekhov's gun situation, the only reason you have a character say outright, oh I'm straight is when they're not.
Rachel:And you have to draw the attention by the audience to that in order to prove otherwise.
Rachel:Sorry, that's my soapbox for the evening.
Han:When your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes.
Han:Well, you took me to hell too.
Han:He did put this woman through.
Rachel:Yeah, he did.
Rachel:He did.
Han:He did.
Han:I mean like she did it to him too, but you know, it was very mute.
Rachel:Like.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:Mutually assured destruction.
Rachel:Like let's, let's be real.
Rachel:They both, like they were both bad actors in this relationship, but it's also because they were so young.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:Like they didn't know any better.
Rachel:They didn't have.
Rachel:It seems like they didn't have great examples at least with like the DN says.
Rachel:Sorry, grumble, grumble all.
Han:Once the ink bleeds, a comment sells a full like get love quick scheme.
Rachel:Sounds like a, a ready made family if, if I ever heard one right.
Rachel:Like, oh, you're pregnant.
Rachel:We're calling.
Rachel:We have to get married.
Han:Okay.
Han:Con man when he's dating women because he's.
Han:He literally is conning.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:He can't love them.
Rachel:No.
Rachel:But he's a con man to them.
Rachel:But he's also a con man to himself.
Han:Oh, he.
Rachel:He won't look at it.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:Yeah.
Han:I felt a whole.
Han:Like this.
Han:Never before and ever since cuz she's dead.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:Oh, she can't feel anything anymore.
Syl:How many dead jokes?
Rachel:I'm so sorry.
Rachel:This.
Han:I'm not.
Han:It's not a joke.
Rachel:She just is or isn't.
Syl:No, stop that.
Syl:She's buried 40ft under.
Han:40Ft.
Han:What we thought was for all time was momentary.
Han:Then still alive.
Han:Killing time at the cemetery.
Han:Never quite buried again.
Han:Just the dual meaning again.
Han:All those plot twists and dynamite.
Han:Mr.
Han:Steal your girl then make her cry.
Rachel:That's giving a.
Rachel:I think you should go home.
Rachel:No.
Han:Don'T speak.
Rachel:Be silent, be silent.
Rachel:Oh my God.
Han:Oh, I don't even.
Han:I don't even know what to say about this bridge, guys.
Rachel:Like just.
Rachel:I think this is kind of like both of them.
Syl:Yeah, I think so.
Rachel:It is like, like oh my God.
Rachel:If we were doing like a musical stage production production of 911 this would be like the heart wrenching like like every other like line duet Sort of thing.
Rachel:Just.
Rachel:Yeah, this, like.
Rachel:It's kind of like a Romeo and Juliet tragedy kind of.
Han:Yeah, you shit.
Han:Talk to me under the table.
Han:Talking rings and talking cradles, both of them.
Han:I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all.
Han:Dancing phantoms on the terrace.
Han:Because they're both ghosts to each other, even while they're still alive.
Rachel:Literally in the episode haunted.
Rachel:They are each other's ghosts.
Han:Yep.
Han:Are they secondhand embarrassed that I can't get out of bed because something counterfeits dead?
Han:How much of.
Han:How much of Eddie's guilt over Shannon do you think is because repression knows that, like, he never loved her the way that she should have?
Han:I mean, she should have been loved.
Rachel:Same question, slightly worded slightly differently.
Rachel:How much of.
Rachel:Do you think he.
Rachel:Hold on.
Rachel:Say that again.
Han:How much.
Han:How much guilt do you think he.
Han:Like, he has a lot of guilt around her death.
Han:Right.
Han:How much of it do you think is because he knows deep down that he.
Han:He never could have loved her the way that she deserved.
Han:Because somewhere deep down, like, he knows he's broken.
Han:Something counterfeits dead.
Han:Right.
Han:So, like, he's mourning his friend, his wife, but is he mourning a marriage?
Han:Is he mourning love of his life?
Han:I don't know.
Han:Is he.
Han:Is he.
Han:Is he feeling tons of guilt about that?
Han:Yes.
Han:But is he mourning it?
Han:No, that's not what the grief is from.
Han:The grief is from the.
Han:The guilt, I think, should have let it stay buried.
Syl:Yep.
Rachel:If they didn't try to get together again, she might waste.
Han:It was unnecessary.
Han:Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Rachel:Which also, just, like, as an aside, I know Tim has said, like, he kind of regrets killing her off because she's such, like, an interesting character.
Rachel:I would have loved to see Eddie and Shannon try to, like, make a co parenting situation work and have kind of like how Taylor would have been like a platonic, you know, bestie for Buck, like, telling him what?
Rachel:Like, as it is, I feel like Shannon could have been that for Eddie and that could have really helped him grow instead of, like, because essentially with all of the guilt that he harbors about Shannon, which is really how much you think it's conscious, subconscious, unconscious, like, that.
Rachel:That guilt about Shannon is really under the surface guilt about feeling broken.
Rachel:You know, how.
Rachel:How much of that would have probably been.
Rachel:They would have been able to get past if they were, you know, we don't have to make it work.
Rachel:We tried that.
Rachel:It didn't happen.
Rachel:So now we're just going to be like, the best People that we can be for Chris.
Rachel:And I think that would have contributed so much to his growth so much quicker.
Rachel:And, you know, losing Shannon just kind of like, tore him back down, you know, like, everything that he.
Rachel:That he thought he was building just, like, tumbling down like a.
Rachel:Like a Jenga tower.
Han:Then, I guess, just to wrap it out, this is also dual point of view, I think.
Han:What a valiant roar.
Han:What a bland goodbye.
Han:He literally told her to shut the up.
Han:I'm.
Han:And if we want to say the goodbye on.
Han:On her part was her saying that she wanted a divorce or her being like, I didn't mean to leave you guys again.
Han:I was like, you were literally leaving again?
Han:What do you mean?
Rachel:Yeah, but I think in, like, her asking for a divorce, it was less like a leaving, like, with no contact, more of kind of like a leaving this idea of their family together sort of thing and, like, embarking on a new kind of journey.
Rachel:But, like, yeah, I kind of think the coward claimed he was a lion.
Rachel:That's Eddie.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:In this sense.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:I'm coming through the braids of lies.
Syl:I'll never leave Never mind.
Rachel:I mean, that's both of them.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:And like, our field of dreams engulfed in fire.
Syl:Your arsons match your somber eyes.
Rachel:I.
Rachel:I mean, they both.
Rachel:They both kind of set everything on fire at different times.
Rachel:And it's just like for a forest to be hit by a wildfire before it's even grown back.
Rachel:Like, how can you even start to grow something new again?
Rachel:It kind of has to be raised all to the ground anyway.
Rachel:And from that.
Rachel:So, like, there's no hope for that from then, you can, like, start growing something new.
Rachel:I'm getting very esoteric.
Rachel:I'm sorry.
Rachel:It's poetry.
Syl:And I'll still see it until I die.
Syl:You're the loss of my life.
Han:I mean, now that I think she is Teddy.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:Not the love of his life.
Syl:The loss of his life.
Rachel:No.
Rachel:So, like.
Rachel:And in this song, you get that interesting juxtaposition of, you know, you were the, like, almost in.
Rachel:In Eddie's pov, like, him convincing himself, like, you know, Shannon was the love of my life.
Rachel:The love of my life.
Rachel:She's the love of my life.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:But in reality, it's the opposite.
Rachel:It's the loss of your life.
Syl:Yeah.
Han:Cool.
Rachel:It's such a beautiful song.
Han:Uplifting stuff.
Syl:Thank you, Taylor Swift.
Han:Thank you, Eddie and Shannon, for having the most heartbreaking, depressing relationship I've ever seen.
Rachel:Pretty much.
Rachel:And, like, also just call out Taylor Swift for putting L O M L.
Rachel:And then I can do it with a broken heart right after each other like that.
Han:So now we're going to be depressed but upbeat, you know, it's like, yeah, yeah.
Rachel:Woohoo.
Rachel:I'm dying inside.
Han:Depression with jazz hands.
Rachel:Jazz hands.
Rachel:Which.
Rachel:I mean, depression with jazz hands is better than depression.
Rachel:Without jazz hands, however, it's still depression.
Rachel:Oh.
Rachel:Oh, boy.
Han:I think you guys put everyone.
Rachel:I did.
Han:I think you guys both put everyone or mostly everyone.
Rachel:Well, I think I actually put everyone in still depression.
Rachel:Kept a couple back.
Han:I just put Buck and Eddie.
Han:So it's like, we agree, but you guys put everyone.
Han:So I don't know that you really want to get into it.
Han:For every single person.
Han:Do you want to pick some highlights?
Syl:Yeah.
Syl:So I could do with the broken heart.
Syl:So like, I do have Buck and Eddie.
Syl:I also have Bobby and Athena.
Syl:But because in reality, like, the song could be applied to literally anyone, especially in this line of work.
Syl:They've got to keep some kind of composure even though they're dying inside.
Syl:Now I'm going to touch upon Maddie, because Maddie, what she does is so, you know, she's got to listen to all of these calls all day on top of dealing with her own shit on the inside.
Syl:Like, I know, like, she's had the Doug situation, she's had the postpartum situation.
Syl:She's had.
Syl:She has had a lot going on.
Syl:So now she's expected, like, especially on as a dispatcher, to kind of like, keep all of that away and not, you know, she's expected to compartmentalize.
Syl:Yeah.
Syl:And assist, you know, other people who are having other, like, pretty serious or really bad things happening to them.
Syl:Yeah, that's kind of why I picked Maddie.
Syl:So she's got a, I guess lights, camera, bitch smile her way through her shift.
Rachel:Oh, totally.
Rachel:Generally speaking, this song is so much about literally performing, but also, like metaphorically performing and masks, which is kind of fitting for this season, episode five, specifically.
Rachel:But I.
Rachel:I mean, I also put.
Rachel:Because, I mean, I did.
Rachel:I did pretty much have.
Rachel:I didn't put hen.
Rachel:I could probably find a reason for hen, but I put Athena as well.
Rachel:I was thinking specifically in, like, season one, when she was trying so hard in the aftermath of dealing with Michael's coming out, and she was so insistent about them putting on, like, a front, especially for May and Harry, you know, you gotta fake it till you make it.
Rachel:And she was so just like, we're gonna fake it till we make it.
Rachel:We're gonna, like, push through it.
Rachel:Meanwhile, she was having all of this, like, inner turmoil.
Rachel:So I kind of thought about it in that sense.
Rachel:I mean, Bobby, because, like, you know, him having to carry all of the.
Rachel:Everything from St.
Rachel:Paul, Minnesota, with the apartment fire and just like, you know, he was kind of faking it till he make.
Rachel:Makes it.
Rachel:Meanwhile, like, you know, there was like, almost nothing left of him because he was like, so shattered.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:But he.
Rachel:And he wouldn't let anyone in specifically in.
Rachel:In this case.
Rachel:So, like, nobody knows.
Rachel:And then I also put Chimney just because I think a lot of times he masks with humor, especially when he was with like, a lot of these for me are like, for some of these characters or early in the seasons, like, chimney with Tatiana, about how he was, you know, putting on a facade and.
Rachel:And trying to be someone that he wasn't.
Rachel:So that's.
Rachel:That's kind of why I put everyone.
Rachel:Because, like, in.
Rachel:Everyone in this show has had moments where they were masking when they were performing and inside they were just like, dying.
Rachel:But, yeah, very much Buck and Eddie, like, specifically.
Rachel:Hello?
Han:Yeah, no, like, all of those things are correct.
Han:I think I just specifically honed in on them because I think they are the two people who are most consistently in constant.
Rachel:They are turmoil.
Rachel:Yeah, like, the other ones were more like different things, specific examples.
Rachel:Whereas, like, it's the gestures to all of them.
Rachel:For Buck and Eddie, I think I'm.
Han:Not even talking, like, adult lives.
Han:I'm talking like this is their song since childhood, you know, like.
Han:And they both have these masks where, like, Bucks is like, he's this sunshine puppy, full of optimism, like, nothing gets to him.
Han:And Eddie's is like, he's this very, like, just put together person.
Han:When Eddie is.
Han:He looks the happiest when his life is falling apart because he gets manic.
Rachel:He does.
Rachel:It's because he can't control it.
Rachel:And he kind of like revels in the chaos of not being able to control because he's so put together otherwise.
Rachel:I mean, that's how he was introduced.
Rachel:It's like, oh, this guy's got, you know, he's got it all.
Rachel:He's got it all together.
Rachel:And it's like, no, he doesn't.
Rachel:I think he kind of almost like a.
Rachel:Like a sick part of him loves when that ends up showing on the outside just how.
Rachel:So people can get a glimpse of just how broken he actually is.
Han:But it's like when he's manic, he looks like he is having, like.
Han:He looks like he's having a good time this whole Season so far on the outside.
Han:Except for when he's like, you know what I mean?
Han:When he's like, oh, he misses this kid.
Han:You know what I mean?
Han:But otherwise he's like.
Han:He's smiling silly, goofy, and dancing and making jokes and, like, being.
Rachel:How many times have we heard Eddie laugh on calls this season?
Rachel:Like, so much.
Han:So many.
Han:But it's, you know, I can read your mind.
Han:You know, she's having the time of her life.
Han:I can show you lies is okay.
Han:And then it's.
Han:You know, the chorus is.
Han:I don't even need.
Han:It's self explanatory, like, but, like, going.
Rachel:Into verse two for Eddie specifically, like, I can hold my breath.
Rachel:I've been doing it since he left.
Han:That's rude.
Han:I wasn't even gonna go there.
Rachel:Oh, I just.
Rachel:I just saw that one.
Rachel:It's like.
Rachel:It's like, yeah, he's holding his.
Rachel:That's just literal right there.
Han:I was gonna go there for a buck because everyone leaves him that too.
Han:Been doing it since they left.
Rachel:His sister, Abby, Ally, everyone.
Rachel:Eddie now.
Han:Eddie now.
Han:So, yeah.
Han:And this is why I think he.
Han:Well, we haven't gotten to that point yet.
Han:Never mind.
Han:I was gonna say, this is why he stalks people on the Internet after they leave him to, like, it's like he's looking for evidence that, like, he didn't imagine the whole thing because he's so lonely.
Han:And he's like.
Rachel:I mean, there's precedent for that because he was looking on, like, Abby's Instagram a lot.
Han:But for.
Han:For.
Han:For both of them, too.
Han:It's the.
Han:Like, they.
Han:They said, you gotta fake it till you make it.
Han:And I did so very much.
Han:Both of their parents telling them, you have to be the man of the house, chin up.
Han:Right.
Han:You know, and the Buckley parents just seem like they have this, like, weird hoity toity, like, upper middle class, like, standard of, like, how you have to hold yourself.
Rachel:Like, outdated.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:I never understood.
Han:They do cry a lot.
Han:They're so productive.
Rachel:It's an art.
Han:They're miserable and nobody even knows.
Han:I mean.
Han:Yeah, some people know it's harder for Buck to hide when he is, like, actually miserable.
Han:But, like, he's kind of like, never mind.
Han:I'm just gonna be like, he's mentally ill all the time.
Han:I feel like he deals with depression all the time.
Han:So that's where they're like, I'm miserable and nobody even knows because he's putting on that mask.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:I mean, it's the pendulum swinging.
Rachel:Is A little too far this time where it's like, with all of the baking and everything, it's like, oh, God, yeah, I'm fine.
Rachel:I'm baking.
Rachel:I'm fine.
Rachel:And it's like nobody even knows.
Rachel:It's like, they all know.
Rachel:They all know this time, babe.
Syl:Like, your entire refrigerator is filled with baked goods.
Syl:How do you.
Han:I think it's.
Han:I think it's really quick.
Han:I think it's interesting because I don't think we've ever been shown him, like, post breakup.
Han:No, be like this.
Han:And I really think it's because, like, he didn't want to be stopped like, before, after breakups to, like, look at their.
Han:Contact them, whatever.
Han:But this time he's like, okay.
Han:I actually really don't.
Han:Actually, I don't want to.
Han:I don't want to put any more of my effort into this person.
Han:But I also have no self control, so that's why he's making it everyone else's problem.
Rachel:I mean, I.
Rachel:I think he is trying to.
Rachel:So, like, we really haven't seen him react this way after a breakup.
Rachel:But the only, like, post breakup that we truly see him reacting in a big way, too, is after pretty much Abby, like, after she left.
Rachel:So I think in this case, because he sees both of these relationships as, you know, transformative.
Rachel:Transformative for him.
Rachel:I think he's trying to.
Rachel:Course.
Rachel:Correct.
Rachel:So he doesn't end up doing the same thing that he did for Abby.
Rachel:So he's again, trying to go all the way the other way and, like, not think about them, not think about Tommy.
Rachel:Like, not, like, engage with.
Rachel:You know, so he doesn't end up, you know, so Tommy also doesn't end up haunting his story like Abby did for so long.
Rachel:But he doesn't really know how to find any middle ground there because these.
Rachel:These were both, like, such transformative relationships for him.
Rachel:And he hasn't quite had the light bulb moment where it's like, I'm still on the hamster wheel.
Rachel:And this is why.
Rachel:And because he thought that he was off the hamster wheel, and it turns out that he wasn't.
Rachel:So he's like, oh, back in the building again.
Rachel:Let me not think about me being in the building by trying to burn the building down.
Han:Please burn his building loft.
Rachel:Burn now.
Syl:I need it like, yesterday.
Syl:I mean, that way we'll get the.
Syl:He'll move into Eddie's house.
Rachel:Yeah.
Syl:While Eddie is gone.
Rachel:I mean, it's just so perfect.
Han:Yes, it is.
Rachel:Like, come on, we're giving you all of These ideas every single, like, half season.
Rachel:Like, come on.
Syl:Come on, Tim.
Han:All these ideas that he's already had.
Rachel:Yeah.
Syl:We read his mind instead.
Rachel:We're channeling.
Han:We are.
Han:We're tapped in to the matrix.
Rachel:Oh, God.
Han:I guess speaking of Abby.
Syl:The smallest man or woman that has ever lived.
Han:Man who ever lived.
Han:Confirmed.
Han:Yeah.
Han:We all put down that this is Buck about.
Han:About Abby for this one.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:I.
Han:I mean, ghosting.
Rachel:Was any of it true?
Rachel:Gazing at me star eyed.
Rachel:I mean, that is.
Rachel:That is essentially what Abby put forth in this relationship of theirs where.
Rachel:Where she was like.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:She was so enamored, I think, with like, the idea of Buck and what he was like, kind of, again, kind of similarly to Tommy.
Rachel:This parallel keeps coming up.
Rachel:Like how what Abby liked in their relationship was kind of what Buck was giving to her.
Rachel:Like this sense of life coming back for her.
Rachel:But.
Rachel:But like, she didn't tell Buck.
Rachel:That's what she was.
Rachel:That's what she was looking for.
Han:She sucks the life out of him.
Han:Like a dementor.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:And I mean, just like with the chorus.
Rachel:I don't even want you back.
Rachel:I just want to know if resting my sparkling summer was the goal.
Rachel:Like, that is so Buck just, like, trying to look for closure.
Han:Like, what.
Han:What were you doing with me?
Han:Like, what was.
Han:What was this to you?
Han:And, like, I don't miss what we have because someone give a message to the smallest man because, like, he literally doesn't know where she is.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:So could someone get this letter that I wrote her?
Rachel:And that's.
Rachel:And so the course is kind of giving a little bit like, the closure that he gets in at the end of season three with the train derailment, where it's like.
Rachel:And I don't miss what we had.
Rachel:Like, at this point, he's kind of like he's put it to rest.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:But could you give a message to the smallest man who ever lived?
Rachel:Like, it's in the past now.
Rachel:I'm kind of as over it as I'm going to get.
Rachel:But I do need this point of closure.
Rachel:And then we can finally clear, close, like, finish that chapter and finish the book and move on more freely.
Rachel:But I mean, like, all of this is also working for Tommy right now that they've broken up, like, in, like in their breakup.
Rachel:Like, you're so right.
Han:Wait, wait.
Han:Let's just change our mind.
Han:But let's change our mind.
Han:Let's go back.
Rachel:I mean, when.
Rachel:Whenever we talk about Abby, we're, like, inherently comparing her to Tommy.
Han:They're the same person.
Rachel:So it's like this is kind of a no brainer.
Rachel:But like that line with the.
Rachel:If resting my sparkling summer was the goal.
Rachel:If Tommy knew that, you know, he was Buck's first, but it wouldn't be his last.
Rachel:Good time.
Rachel:Not a long time.
Rachel:But doesn't say that to Buck, you know, like, eventually with this one, Buck isn't going to miss what they had.
Rachel:And I think we've, we've spoken about this before.
Rachel:It's not necessarily that Buck misses Tommy.
Rachel:He's missing, like, the idea of the relationship, the idea of someone loving him and staying and especially because it was something new and helped him unlock a part of himself that he didn't realize was vaulted essentially.
Rachel:Like, so any read of Abby is also a read of Tommy.
Rachel:That's just what it is.
Han:So you hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins, and public showed me off.
Han:It was very much them dating him for his looks and what he can do for them in bed.
Han:Like, they don't actually care about him as a person.
Han:I do think it's just funny to think about him saying to Tommy, you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.
Syl:Oof.
Rachel:Once he gets something to compare it.
Han:To, you know, so, like, were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?
Han:Might sound dramatic.
Han:What did you say?
Rachel:I didn't necessarily mean it quite so literally.
Rachel:I said, you know, like, you didn't measure him in any measure of man.
Rachel:And I said, you know, can't wait till.
Rachel:Till he says that to like.
Rachel:And I said, once he gets something else to compare it to.
Han:Yeah, that's exactly what I meant when I said any measure of a man.
Han:And then when ha.
Han:Something else to compare.
Syl:Maybe I didn't hear your.
Han:I'm sure he already owns something else to compare it to.
Han:And that's why he knows.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:Anyway.
Rachel:Sorry, I just took it.
Han:Probably.
Han:Anyway, so.
Han:Or what?
Han:What?
Rachel:No.
Han:What?
Han:So?
Rachel:No, no, no.
Han:What?
Syl:Nothing.
Syl:I was just going to agree with you and say, yeah, he probably has a lot of things.
Syl:I mean, he's got a ring cutter.
Han:I'm saying.
Han:Okay, you think this man didn't own toys before he knew.
Rachel:What was that tweet that you.
Rachel:That you sent earlier about him, like, in Peru?
Han:Like, oh, him making out with men but not realizing he was bi.
Han:Yeah, this.
Han:We've had that conversation.
Han:I don't know if you've ever done it on camera, but it's like, no, he absolutely fooled around with men, but just like, never Apply that to his sexuality because he's like, everyone.
Han:Like, that's fine.
Rachel:Or, like, threesomes, probably, and.
Han:Threesomes.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:More sums.
Rachel:I don't know.
Han:It's, like, just as normal as checking out a hot guy's ass.
Syl:Yeah.
Rachel:Anyway, it's not freak for freak for no reason.
Rachel:Sorry.
Rachel:So the real.
Han:So the bridge.
Han:Not super literal, but, like, if there's some callbacks to who's Afraid?
Han:A little old me here.
Han:So, like, were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?
Han:If you wanted me dead, you should have just said yes.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:Like, if you wanted the relationship.
Han:Did you want to die?
Rachel:Did you want.
Han:Yeah, but, like, also, did you want to, like, literally just destroy me?
Han:Like, use me and throw me away and leave me?
Han:Like, when.
Han:Like, you knew that was how you could kill me legally.
Han:And then, like, did you sleep?
Han:So it's like, how long were you planning.
Han:Like, did you sleep with a gun under bed?
Han:Were you writing a book where you sleep yourself?
Han:Spy.
Han:Like, how long were you planning to do this to me?
Han:Maybe I'll find out one day and I'll say good riddance.
Han:It wasn't sexy once.
Han:It wasn't forbidden.
Han:This goes for both of them, I feel.
Rachel:Yeah, it sure does.
Han:Because it was like he was getting left when he was trying to make it serious.
Han:It was like he moved in with Abby, like, without really them talking about moving in.
Han:But he moved in to help her, right?
Han:He basically moved in to help her.
Han:And then he asked Tommy to move in.
Rachel:Yeah.
Rachel:And it's like, oh.
Rachel:Oh, no.
Han:Once you realize that this wasn't just a fling, even though I was honest with you the whole time about what I wanted.
Han:Got it.
Han:Cool.
Rachel:That's just.
Han:Like, I would have kept putting.
Han:I would have kept martyring myself for you, but instead, I just died inside.
Rachel:And you deserve prison, but you won't get time.
Han:Yeah.
Han:No.
Han:They won't suffer anything for what they did to him.
Han:They won't pay for it.
Han:You'll do this shit again.
Rachel:Yeah.
Syl:Yep.
Rachel:God.
Rachel:You said normal girls were boring, but you were gone by the morning.
Rachel:It's, like, literally just here for a good time, not a long time.
Rachel:And I'm going to.
Rachel:It's giving.
Rachel:I'm gonna use you.
Han:Yeah.
Syl:You kicked out the Sage Lights, but you're still performing.
Syl:It's giving.
Syl:Like, at least with Tommy, the only way I can see it is.
Syl:Yeah, just basically using him and not being honest.
Syl:Same with Abby.
Syl:Like, just not really.
Syl:Not.
Syl:Not coming clean when she wanted to leave or her plans or anything.
Rachel:It's keeping Buck in the dark.
Han:Yeah, Right.
Rachel:With that lack of communication.
Rachel:Like, they're still performing as far as Buck knows.
Rachel:They're still acting as if they want this, like, long term relationship, as if they can see a future with Buck even when they actually can't.
Rachel:But they don't communicate that to him, so it's just keeping him in the dark.
Rachel:And here he is still, like, he's still on the stage performing opposite of them, but, like, he doesn't realize that his scene partner has left.
Rachel:And it's a monologue and not a dialogue anymore.
Han:Metaphor in plain sight.
Han:You hid, but you are what you did.
Han:I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive.
Han:I know that's right.
Rachel:I know that.
Han:Of the smallest man who ever lived.
Han:I'm so glad you brought Tommy up.
Rachel:You're welcome.
Rachel:I know we don't want to keep talking about him, but it's inevitable.
Rachel:Oh.
Han:I mean, any opportunity to, like, eviscerate him via the.
Han:The words of Taylor Swift, which is.
Rachel:The most powerful way.
Han:It is because it's witchcraft.
Han:So true.
Syl:So the Alchemy.
Syl:Do we all have.
Syl:We all have book and Eddie.
Syl:Right?
Syl:I had to ask Han.
Rachel:Your note.
Rachel:Sorry.
Rachel:Not sorry.
Han:What else do they want me to say?
Han:Like, come on.
Syl:I mean, I.
Syl:I mean, there really is no other option.
Han:No, no, listen, I don't.
Han:I don't even need to get that deep into this.
Han:This is literally.
Han:This is literally Eddie at Buck.
Rachel:Mm.
Han:Like, once Eddie gets his shit together, he's gonna be like, yeah, ditch these people.
Han:Like you.
Han:I'm here.
Rachel:Is this.
Rachel:Is this before?
Rachel:Okay, so in the.
Rachel:In the time frame of oh, what was it?
Rachel:Guilty as sin to but daddy, I love him.
Rachel:Does the Alchemy happen after but daddy, I love him or before but daddy, I love him?
Syl:I would think it's in between guilty and daddy.
Syl:But daddy, I love him.
Han:Right.
Han:I was gonna say that.
Han:Or during Daddy, I love him.
Rachel:But daddy, I love him.
Rachel:Because I like that.
Han:You know, that's spanning, like, a little bit of a journey of like.
Han:Okay.
Han:Like, I'm learning.
Han:I'm learning.
Han:Got it.
Han:Okay.
Rachel:Sorry.
Rachel:Just curious.
Han:Fuck all y'all.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:Wow.
Rachel:I'm clutching my pearl.
Rachel:I knew there was a reason I wore them.
Han:When I touch down, call the amateurs and cut them from the team.
Han:Ditch the clowns.
Han:Get their crown.
Han:Baby, I'm the one to beat because the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me.
Han:Honestly, who are we to fight the Alchemy that's him saying, we're end game, baby.
Han:Like, yeah, I'm here.
Syl:Let's go in the.
Syl:I keep forgetting.
Syl:No, it's not that I keep forgetting.
Syl:I just didn't make the connection just now.
Syl:But, like, normally it's in the back of my head, you know, the whole Taylor and Travis.
Syl:Because we all.
Syl:I'm sure we all here agree this song is about Travis.
Rachel:Yes.
Syl:Once we finally get to so high school, the whole line of.
Syl:You know how to ball.
Syl:I know Aristotle.
Syl:I mean, Eddie knows how to ball.
Syl:So that means Buck.
Syl:And those Aristotle's are there for.
Rachel:Yeah.
Syl:This is Buck's point of view, really, because Eddie's the one on the team who.
Syl:Who needs.
Syl:Who's running back to him.
Syl:The end story.
Han:Yeah.
Syl:Also, there's that.
Han:I haven't.
Syl:Sorry, one more thing.
Syl:And then there's like, the.
Syl:I love the little headcanon.
Syl:Now that, you know Buck was tight end.
Rachel:Oh, my God.
Syl:I thought he would have had a canon.
Rachel:That's.
Syl:That's Canada.
Syl:That's Canada.
Syl:So he was.
Syl:He was tight.
Syl:He played tight end.
Syl:And so, like, now my.
Syl:My headcanon is.
Rachel:Oh.
Syl:Eddie could have potentially been a cheerleader if he was allowed to.
Syl:So there's the.
Syl:That whole, like, bucket Eddie, high school cheerleader, football player relationships.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:Oh, I'm sure there are some.
Rachel:Isn't Travis Kelce a tight end?
Syl:Yes.
Han:Yes.
Han:Yes.
Rachel:Okay.
Rachel:I didn't.
Syl:That's why it keeps lining up.
Syl:It's so funny.
Rachel:Perfect.
Han:So this would also be just like, peak if Eddie does actually go to Texas for any amount of time.
Han:But it's.
Han:I haven't come around in so long, but I'm making a comeback to where I belong.
Rachel:Oh, my God.
Han:Yes.
Rachel:Do you want to touch down?
Han:And then it's like airport reunion, abc.
Rachel:We know you have the budget.
Rachel:We know you have the budget.
Syl:Yes.
Syl:They need to do that for us.
Rachel:Do that for us specifically as a gift.
Han:Yes.
Syl:We're giving you free promo that you don't need.
Han:It's just the sign on your heart is still reserved for me.
Han:I know you're dating other people, but, like, literally dump them.
Han:I don't care.
Han:That's.
Han:It's just so Eddie.
Han:Like.
Rachel:Yeah, that would be.
Han:Whenever he gets there, he's literally not gonna care.
Rachel:No, that would be something that comes out of his mouth.
Rachel:He would say something about, like, I don't care about all the other people.
Rachel:Like, get rid of them.
Rachel:I'm.
Rachel:I'm the one you want.
Rachel:Like, you know what?
Han:We Have.
Han:This only happens once every few lifetimes.
Rachel:Like, talk about their profound bond.
Han:Oh, no.
Syl:We made it.
Syl:This whole episode.
Han:No.
Han:Made almost four hours.
Han:I don't have anything else to say about that song.
Syl:No, really.
Rachel:I mean.
Rachel:I mean, where's the trophy?
Rachel:He just comes running over to me.
Rachel:Like, them choosing each other.
Han:They're each other's trophy.
Rachel:They are, yeah.
Rachel:It's just so perfect for them.
Rachel:It's.
Rachel:It's so, like, kind of redemptive, like a redemption for them and, you know, going to the home where they belong, which is each other, and just.
Rachel:It's perfect.
Rachel:Perfect.
Syl:See, I was gonna be, like, seeing espanol, and then I was like, wait, no, never mind.
Syl:That doesn't work.
Syl:It's not the same.
Han:It's okay.
Rachel:It was close enough.
Rachel:It was funny.
Han:So Clara Bow.
Rachel:Yeah, sorry.
Syl:So for Clara Bow, I have May.
Syl:Some of the reasons why is.
Syl:I guess, like, the song does.
Syl:Does this thing where they're comparing, like, an icon to the singer or the singer was being compared to the icon.
Syl:Whatever.
Syl:I believe I picked May because of legacy in regards to Athena, and I think it really stems from when she.
Syl:She joined Dispatch.
Rachel:Mm.
Rachel:Mm.
Syl:So I know that Dispatch wasn't her forever job, but I.
Syl:Or for her ever home, her forever job or anything.
Syl:I know she just did it for, like, you know, to take.
Syl:I think it was, like, to take a year off to help people.
Han:Oh.
Syl:And because, like, she wanted to help her mom, that was, like.
Syl:Which was the ultimate reason why she.
Syl:She joined Dispatch.
Syl:It was to help her mom to make sure that she was safe.
Syl:I feel like I see it in a more like an outsider or external perspective of her.
Syl:So, like, maybe this is really more like reaching and head canon.
Syl:So having the Grant name or, like, knowing that she is Athena's daughter, there's probably, like, some kind of expectation.
Syl:So I think really at the surface level of the song, it's.
Syl:It's just a comparison of meeting those standards that her mom has.
Syl:And then there's the season one aspect of beauty standards where, you know, as a high schooler, like, she's not.
Han:She has to.
Syl:She has to, like, keep up with.
Syl:With, you know, regular popular girl standards.
Rachel:That, you know, and, like, feeling the societal pressures from.
Rachel:From that sense about.
Rachel:And.
Rachel:And this kind of goes for probably for Buck as well, about, like, feeling enough and being told, you know, certain things about, like, yeah, you're great.
Rachel:You're great.
Rachel:But then, like, feeling like they're falling short of that or, like, the.
Rachel:The goalposts.
Rachel:Get moved every time, because it's like you need something else from them.
Han:I know that the song is about, like, beauty standards for women.
Han:And I know that I have put Buck a white man on here.
Han:What did I put here?
Han:I put a note.
Han:Hold on.
Han:Yes.
Han:Thank you so much.
Han:Past me.
Han:So all of this is about.
Han:You look like this person, these features about this person, and that's why you're gonna make it.
Han:You remind us of this other person.
Han:And, like, it's talking about how, like, you age out of being beautiful and, you know, valued by society.
Han:And I think for Buck, that does apply, because for him, it's very much like a lot of people have only valued him for his body, starting with his parents.
Han:Literally was born to only be used for his body.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:You know, and that has just continued his entire life.
Han:And it continues even when he's trying to be in serious, committed relationships with people.
Han:Because then his first and his most recent one, these people were really only interested in him for his attractiveness, what his body can do for them.
Rachel:That's really rough.
Rachel:Just this idea of being used and being used up and someone moving on to the next best thing, Right?
Rachel:Yeah, essentially.
Han:And it's about, like, the current person who's like, whatever current singer or new artist who's getting talked to here.
Han:They're like, I'm not trying to exaggerate.
Han:I think I might die if I made it or die if that happened to me, because they want it so bad.
Han:And, like, Buck just wants someone to love, to be loved.
Han:He just wants to be loved.
Han:That's all he wants, and that's all he's been searching for.
Han:And the only way he knows how to get any sort of affection is by using his through his physicality.
Rachel:Yeah, it's heartbreaking with that interpretation of just the song in and of itself, because it's like people are always going to be looking on to.
Rachel:To like, something else.
Rachel:Like, it's such, like, you're such a fleeting moment where kind of like a flash in the pan you may make, you know, you're here for a little bit, and then it's just, like, moved on and forgotten.
Rachel:And that is, I think, what Buck has felt like for so much of his life is just kind of like a guest star flash in the pan for so many people's lives.
Rachel:And that's one of the reasons why he needs someone to choose him and to, like, stay with him, to keep that, like, flame ignited forever for him, rather than just, you know, a passing, a shooting star.
Rachel:Right.
Rachel:These, these are about shooting stars and there's always going to be the next one.
Rachel:But he has to be like it for someone.
Han:That's all he wants.
Han:Debbie.
Han:Yeah, I don't have anything happy here for Buck except for the alchemy.
Rachel:So, I mean, that is kind of the only happy song.
Han:So high school.
Han:So high school.
Rachel:Well, I.
Rachel:Oh, I was looking at like the.
Han:Oh.
Rachel:Part one first half.
Han:Yeah.
Rachel:That we've gone through so far.
Rachel:Like.
Rachel:Yeah.
Han:So thank you for ringing in the near with us.
Han:We are going to be back to our regularly scheduled rewatch next week with another uplifting episode.
Han:Chimney begins.
Han:You know, just a funny haha.
Han:Keep those good vibes going.
Syl:Just a funny haha.
Syl:And some extra, extra stabby stab.
Syl:Stab.
Syl:That was bad.
Syl:Stabby, stabby stab stabilized.
Han:Oh, my God.
Syl:Yeah, we had.
Rachel:Let's.
Rachel: Let's hope we're doing: Rachel:Right.
Han:We're setting the tone.
Rachel:The tone is just unhinged.
Rachel:Hopefully the good kind.
Rachel:But.
Han:But we had so much fun doing this first two parts of ttpd.
Rachel:We will definitely be doing the anthology half.
Han:When?
Han:Eventually.
Han:We don't know.
Han:Why don't you respond?
Han:Let us know how soon you want to see that.
Rachel:Yes, this is currently.
Han:The more you have it scheduled, the.
Rachel:More you want it, the sooner we'll do it.
Han:Yeah.
Han:Reply comment on this episode wherever you're listening or come talk to us on social media and let us know if you agreed with where we put people on these songs.
Han:If you have some additional takes or some other details for certain lyrics we might have missed.
Rachel:Yeah, we'd love to hear more interpretations.
Rachel:As you know, we're major swifties.
Rachel:So I was gonna say if you.
Han:Couldn'T tell, we like talking about this shit.
Rachel:So we're putting two of our favorite things together.
Rachel:Hopefully they are also your favorite things too.
Han:Remember, don't do it with a broken.
Rachel:Heart, but if you do, take a buddy with you.
Han:Thank you for listening to the Buddy System podcast from start to finish.
Syl:We literally cannot shut up about 91 1.
Syl:So please come talk to us on your favorite social media platform.
Rachel:We are BuddySystemPod Everywhere.
Rachel:That's B U D D I E SystemPod.
Han:Leave a five star review on Spotify or Apple podcasts to get a personal shout out in the next episode.
Han:The Buddy System is a nerd Virgin Media production featuring music from Divinity.
Syl:Can't get enough of the buddies.
Syl:Subscribe to our Patreon for access to exclusive content in our Discord community.
Rachel:Catch you next time and don't forget.
Rachel:Bring a buddy with.
